So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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