Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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