I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
