recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
