you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
