I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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