life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
