he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
