Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
