your thong is hanging out like whoa
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
