My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
