did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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