i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
