Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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