On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
