pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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