i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
now i know why i became what i already was.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
