I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
