he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
