There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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