We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
