she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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