We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
