Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
