I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
