so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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