He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
