I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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