Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
