i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
