If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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