9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
