he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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