it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
