Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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