ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
