sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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