he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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