I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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