my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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