how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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