Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
they need to just BURY HIM!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
