whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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