I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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