I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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