She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
