Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
