No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
