If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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