I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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