please come you make the beer taste better
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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