When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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