Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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