Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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