they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
