Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
vagina is talking i cant
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
