I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
