So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
